Love II: Transference

Love II: Transference 

The subject of love makes me cringe; it’s nervy, rocky, unstable, without foundation, loose and unintelligible. It’s too risky with little promise of a positive yield. It’s like constantly having your legs open – not wise, it makes you a target. However I attribute the stars in the sky to love – it’s too magical. Your unconscious mind is in free-flow like being intoxicated 24/7. It targets the subconscious. In his book “Group Psychology” the godfather of psychology Sigmund Freud had this to say; “If one can design propaganda or psychological operations that bypass the conscious and rational faculties of the individual, targeting instead suppressed emotions and hidden desires, it is possible to move people to adopt beliefs and behaviors without them being aware of the underlying motivations leading them on.” Smoke on it.  It’s brave and stupid; and no one likes a hero. You leak vital and critical information about yourself. My condolences to the one who first utters the three magic words. It’s like a burst sewerage pipe – a disaster – Holly crap! We are at our worst when we are in love; we lie, we are deceptive, we are calculating, sly, vicious, murderous and self-gratifying. Seduction what an interesting science; we learn to love through rejection. The early stages are the worst with the mirroring, manipulative tact’s; the fake laughs that enable us to be likeable, the make-up and cosmetics, the colognes, the shoes, the car, the toothless gloating and showboating to communicate confidence, ambition and manly attributes and the seductive exaggerated feminine qualities as sitting posture and voice pitch. Kgomotso Christopher as Yvonne Thebe on etv’s Telenovela “Scandal” was exactly who you don’t want to come across in battle. She is seduction. She is alluring. She is good. She is sexy. She makes men melt. She is powerful. She is strong, durable. She is convincing. She can be the best night of your life. You will fall to your knees. You will lose. She’s every men’s best fantasy. But I digress. The menial checklist tasks and insipid, passive repetitive homework’s. Is love really essential? Do relationships work? Do I need her in my life? After all, love like romanticism was fabricated and institutionalized into society’s heart beating pulse – embodied on the fabric. Is it reliable? Are we right? All I see is power struggles and people’s insecurities reciprocated. What is called love is sometimes petty or compassion. Urban Poet J. Cole has this to say on GOMD on the classic “Forrest Hills Drive” album about love. “It’s called love, niggas don’t sing about it no more, ain’t nobody sing about it no more?” but should we? Will it bring us solace and a fountain of happiness? Funny how we need venom to create a cure. Love has become propaganda. 

Humans are too selfish, too self-serving, and narcissistic and love enhances that. Love consumes. There is nothing more selfish like love. It’s all about what I want! “I love you”, “I want to have sex”, “I am tired”, “I miss you”, “you complete me”, “you all I think about”, “you are the best thing that’s ever been mine.” – I thought we were living in an objective world. 1974 movie Emmanuelle classified love as a search for pleasure, pure pleasure given to someone a woman, a man you desire. Novelist Fyodor Dostoevsky says this about love in bestselling novel “Notes from the Underground”; “I tried hard to be in love. I suffered”. The word “suffered” has connotations of harsh conditions, stretched out resources, homeless, poor, dire moments, intense, brittle and bedridden. It is an interesting omission about love. Popular culture has dramatized and made popular the concept of dying for one another in the name of “love”. This can be seen on Romero and Juliet, Westside Story, The sorrows of Young Werter and a million other books. Is love rational? Clearly not. Jay Gatsby makes an omission about “Love” on bestselling book “The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald; “I knew it was a great mistake for a man like me to fall in love.” That paints a picture of rue and dread. It is from a man who is trapped and has gone tired from searching for an escape. A man who is almost hopeless and resigned. An accepting man – a humble man. Meaning makes a great many things endurable, perhaps everything. Is that what love is? An ideal to aspire? Is it like heaven? I think that’s a more reasonable assumption. Humanity created God; Love is child’s play. 

Man is sometimes extraordinarily, passionately in love with suffering. I can derive that from love. In the current age, our minds have been split into different parts and pieces and as a consequence we have different personas and “avatars”. The persona is the social mask that each of us wear in our interaction with others. With the emergence of social media and the rapid pace of the digital revolution; love is further disguised. Physical interactions have been drastically reduced as we rely on instant text messages, voice calls and video calls. Is it wise to engage in love when we suffer from multiple personality disorder? On Instagram I am a “slay queen”, on Facebook a respected young, promising businessperson, on Twitter a trendsetter, at church an usher, at work a receptionist and to my mother and father just Thabiso. Is that healthy? Is that stable? Are conditions favorable and conducive?

Just maybe we need love in a digital format. It’s accessible, convenient and up to pace with today’s world. Maybe we don’t need physical interactions; one might argue that they are an illusion – but the internet – that’s real, that’s forever. After all, a “real” person, profoundly as we may sympathize with him, is in a great measure perceptible only through our senses, that is to say, he remains opaque, offers a dead weight which our sensibilities have not the strength to life. Just maybe phone sex is enough; the irony in that statement of course is that we are so disconnected. In the critically acclaimed album “KOD” Urban Poet J. Cole expresses: “Love today has gone digital, and it’s messing with my health” – fair point, maybe we just can’t live without suffering. After all, the world needs both order and chaos; it needs Eve to give Adam the apple despite God’s orders – It needs stuntmen and daredevils, entrepreneurs and artists. People want to yield to the temptation – to get lost. In the animation movie Shrek released in 2001 main character Shrek makes an omission about love and Princess Fiona. “She’s a princess and I am just an Ogre”. Is that fair? I don’t think so. No Shrek, don’t do that to yourself.

You don’t have to take my word; I am fraud. What gives me the right? Who do I think I am? Justified rhetorical questions and if they are statements even better. All I know is Gomora and people’s dreams die in Gomora. People are in survival mode in Gomora – people are in a primitive and animalistic state in Gomora. It’s this small graveyard that has the capacity to pack 100X its maximum. You won’t find love there. It’s unfair, rigged, controlled with strings and puppets, directed, predictable and the odds are always against you. It is the “real” belly of the beast; the benchmark for townships in South Africa – the irony in that statement. In 2011 on hit album “Watch the Throne”, Kanye West vents out his frustration in one of his songs “Welcome to the Jungle”, he states “Why I pray so hard? This is crazy God, Just when I thought I had everything I lost it all.” It’s a sentiment shared by almost everyone. Particularly a friend who was almost transformed by the new lady in his life. He seemed to have a purpose, he was goal orientated again, had painted his room, bought a Plasma Television set, some new curtains, a new bed and sheets – It was a big thing and I congratulated him. A couple of months later and she left him because he assaulted her. You see it wasn’t him, it was the conditions – it’s like, I can’t think, I can’t breathe, I can’t be alone – like I am swallowed up in other people’s (society) views and ideals and to be fair I am because I don’t have an identity in this world, I am lost, my father died when I was young, he was my hope but now I don’t know what to do or who I am. In the classic album “Forest Hills Drive” Urban Poet J. Cole makes a statement on one of his songs “03 Adolescence” he states: I aint grow up with my father, I aint thinking about that now. Years later, I will probably cry…” He further discusses “needing a father so bad” on Debut album “Cole World: Sideline Story” track “Breakdown”. The “Daddy Issues” phenomena is serious for both male and female.   

Maybe we were not made in Love’s tool shed or just maybe love doesn’t exist. The danger in that analysis is that it might make everyone nihilistic. However Religion is not saving anyone. An affirmative response on the relinquishing of love notion would mean that there also isn’t romanticism, no family, no friends, no wife, no husband, no children, no structures, no roles, no empathy, no sympathy, no laughing, no dancing, no heart, no soul, no anxiety streaks, no hangovers, no sadness and no happiness. Just maybe love is our most persistent lie for a reason.   

Not that I haven’t fallen in love because I have and I am willing to share. To go one better up I will share my first experience with a girl – maybe you’ll understand my love for Xhosa women. It was towards the late years of my teen years. A friend needed assistance for a wedding they were hosting and he approached us – his friends – there were five of us. I was ecstatic and I think my enthusiasm showed on the day. We were asked to do menial tasks like serving the guests drinks at the reception. It was a simple job and my friends were like done in 5-10 minutes – this is due to the fact that the guests preferred serving themselves, so they rounded up the brewages and excused themselves off the job – not me. I made sure the chairs in the tents where aligned. I served people food. I served them drinks and alcohol brewages. I was courteous and put on my big smile. I asked every guest personally about the drink they would like to have and I delivered. I helped with the cooking in the kitchen. I executed special requests; I was very much helpful. I was the only one. My friends assumed the role of being guests too as they sat down, exchanged stories, laughed and enjoyed their alcohol brewages in the festive environment. I could have sat down and relaxed with them but I really wanted to help. I felt nothing would go down smoothly unless I contributed my 2 cents. There’s also the fact that I like being busy, being a part of something and executing it well. I garnered attention from two ladies who reside in the Eastern Cape and came to Gauteng for the weekend, the wedding. To be honest with you, I didn’t expect it, I didn’t see it coming; I was too busying and my mind was always engaged in the immediate.

One lady approached me and greeted me so I replied. She commented that she and her friend have been looking and admiring for a while. That sounded good plus she was beautiful. I was engaging in a dialogue with a solid ten. She had light skin. Nice boobs and a fantastic body. She also decorated her face with dots and other traditional and cultural symbolisms. I was impressed, I had to move intelligently. A blitzkrieg operation was on the menu. I hushed her quickly and asked to meet her at a mutual corner in 30 minutes or so, she obliged and we scattered. After the interaction, I needed something to drink to sedate my nerves. According to my friend’s aunt, my exploits on the battlefield warranted a 12 pack which was located in the deep freezer, awaiting me, the rightful owner to collect. I did so and took the brewages to my friend’s location. I took one beer and gulped it down. Round about the time I took a second, a friend needed to go to the tuck shop, I offered to accompany him seeing that I needed to be at the designated spot. 

On the way to the tuck shop I saw her, she was already at our corner. I communicated that I needed to part way with my friend – he let me go and I approached her. I still remember her smile, it is the best thing to see real life. To retrieve the data that transpired before I held her in my hands is tough, it is hard, impossible, not detected, lost. She smelled so good. I see the effort too. Not too much make-up but enough, oh lubricated lips where is this going? Her emotion regulation techniques and mirroring above world-class. There was a moment when she said I smelt nice. And I thought it’s just sunlight green bar soap and Aloe Vera Vaseline Petroleum Jelly. She laughed at things I had to say. She touched my face and body suggestively; it was soft, slow and alluring. She kept eye-contact and laughed. I was good too, I don’t like talking about myself but I did well – everything was going right for me. Things were getting heated and people started taking notice so once again I suggested we meet later when the sun had gone to sleep. 

Late came and it was more of the same thing. She was still in my arms. We were locked in a trance, the maze, the matrix. We objectively shared which was subjective. We both subjectively wanted the same thing. So we did it, we kissed. It was very good – had good hang time and a couple of freestyles under its belt. If I had to be honest; she had me, I had no chance, she was equally good – she was very good. I forgot her name but I will never forget her. She was like Julia Roberts playing the role of Anna Scott on hit movie “Noting Hill” so bold, seductive, pretty with a beautiful smile. I am appreciative of that encounter.

Are you still with me? Keep up I need to tell you about another girl. There’s so much to say. She has been my standard of perfect for years. She has been my solace for years, my armor, guard, reserve tank, an extra life, a place of happiness and hope for the future. Her force motivated me. Having her in my life, filled up my life. At last, I experienced life with all its emotions and excitements. It is the seduction tale of life; it goes through – smashes and rips a part the story of Jay Gatsby and Daisy Bucannon. There’s a small issue about the geography and the fact that I want her to get integrated in the system as soon as possible; so she can get a decent man and later a perfect family. That element will give me another perspective and maybe I’ll feel different. My current perspectives of her don’t have blemishes. I will give it time – but what if it’s exponential? Oh no, what if I become another Werther? A young man who was doomed from the start; seduced by use of triangle formation, children lure, “soft” (often exaggerated) feminine qualities and later tossed to the side like a depleted card voucher – it was a clean job too, considering it was suicide. Perhaps the “decent man and later a perfect family” analogy might not be a solution after all. I feel like I am Kendrick Lamar on “For Sale (Interlude) on the mega classic album “To Pimp a Butterfly” and she’s “Luci” calling, luring, naked on my mind. Paulo Coelho in classic novel “The Alchemist” says “When you really want something – the Universe conspires in your favor….. When you want something with all your heart, that’s when you are closet to the soul of the world. It’s always a positive force.” Is what we have also scientific? I wonder how relative this is. 

 

It was in 2008, the school had a speech/poetry competition, and all classes were encouraged to participate. We were the seniors of the school. I wrote about the Xenophobia attacks that transpired in the Township of Alexandra. You see, it got to me – all the violence, uncertainty, hate and hurt that we were causing each other. I used to be from Alexandra, my family members reside in Alexandra, my friends – Alexandra is all I know. With all this in my heart, I chose to write a speech about the Xenophobia attacks. It was emotive and raw. I delivered it with passion. I summarized it and cut it short so I wouldn’t have cue cards – that way I would be intimate with the audience. I performed it with showmanship and it was grand. My speech was good but presentation is what made it better. Hers – on the other side was just great. There was so much thought in it. It informed and educated. It made sense. It were as if a high school pupil wrote it; our perspective was that of a grade 7 pupil. You just wanted to hear that speech all day. It was great. It was strong and cemented. It was cunning and arrogant. She murdered the execution. Each grade had to pick representatives. In our division; we had 8 participants contesting for two vacant spots. I was fairly confident about my chances but I knew she would be there too. It presented a problem for me because I had never lost a Speech/Poetry competition before. I took a silver and I felt like it was justified and fair. She gave me my first loss.

The next couple of years I saw glimpses of her like fate – Déjà vu I knew our paths would cross again, to align perfect how the Universe intended. When I think about her; I am not so guarded anymore, I can be silly, I can laugh, I can think – she makes thinking worth it, I don’t know. Our paths crossed and we have been on the same wavelength ever since, no let’s try frequency. “Wavelength” has a lot of properties that have to be in consensus. “Frequency” is in the same room looking and biding my time – to plot – to move. She was great. I am glad, I am done with having to deal with these unnecessary, time consuming, idiotic emotions and feelings. I will never let it get there ever again. I was young, in the moment, surrounded by the lights and I cracked. I think I know what happened but it’s no excuse, I apologize. She was all I could think of sometimes. I am defiant but not promising anything as I think the right creative will send me flying. I wouldn’t have a defense for a beautiful, young, creative girl – I would fall in love 9 times out of 10. Even though I am more informed about things, the world, people, science, alchemy, control systems, order, chaos, morality, good, evil, spirituality, arts, psychology, philosophy; like Kendrick Lamar eluded on “Momma” on hit album “To Pimp A Butterfly”, “I know everything” – I still think about her – I don’t know why and philosophy, science, religion, the arts and the universe don’t have an answer.  Sigmund Freud disappointed me the most, he doesn’t even understand women. Goethe’s advice was to kill myself – ha like that will ever happen; I belong to the Universe –what right do I have? Thanks a lot for the stupid idea Goethe. Besides this doesn’t require death just how I see her. My mind has created illusions and I don’t know their origins. But such is the case of love isn’t it? Our natural tendency is to project onto other people our own beliefs and value systems – in ways in which we are not even aware, that’s why I love her. The book “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho states “People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them.” That doesn’t apply to me. I tried, conditions didn’t allow me and time was against me or was it? Jordon Peterson has this to say on his book “12 Rules to Life: An Antidote to life”: “We are always and simultaneously at point “a” (which is less desirable than it could be), moving towards point “b” (which we deem better, in accordance with our explicit and implicit values). We always encounter the world in a state of insufficiency and seek its correction. We can imagine new ways that things could be set right, and improved, even if we have everything we thought we needed. Even when satisfied, temporarily, we remain curious. We live within a framework that defines the present as eternally lacking and the future as eternally better. If we did not see things this way, we would not act at all. We wouldn’t even be able to see, because to see we must focus, and to focus we must pick one thing above all else on which to focus.” Does this mean that she is limited or my recommended required dose?

This is for all my children. I hope your realities are not distorted. I hope your visions are clear. I hope all your encounters be real. The subject of “real” is always a tricky one but I would say something tangible, concreate, objective, erected, engraved, embedded, solid, evident with mass, shape and structure. Something that triggers the fundamental senses. I was reading a book “da Vinci code” by Dan Brown when a friend came up to me and said “It’s not real”. Then again what’s real? Reality is both relative and subjective. Is the internet real? Is social media real? What about Harry Potter? Is alchemy “real”? What about religion? Tell me about the Cold War. Are the villains on The Incredible franchise bad guys? Rooney Mara playing the role of Erica Albright on the hit movie “The Social Network” about the founding of Facebook states: “The Internet is not written in pencil but written in ink.” In the same movie Sean Parker played by Justin Timberlake predicts a future where “we live on the internet”. If social media is a popularity contest, then yes. But, is a herd reliable? With today’s technology nerves and senses can be regulated and stimulated. With so many galaxies the internet has created, can we tell what is real? What is “real”? It’s a question rivalled by the philosophical favorite “What is life?” “What’s it about.”? Those are answers you have to formulate and answer for yourself. It’s important you do that because we consciously and subconsciously filling the gaps on the universes canvas with what is most “real” to us. Your assumptions have to be correct. If you have this – you rule! An interesting listen by Frank Ocean on the classic album “Blonde” track 12 “Facebook Story”.

I remember when we used to say “brb” or “gtg”. It was a cool time in history. You had control, it was strong, cemented with a dash of flair and arrogance. It was assured and balanced. It was safe. Now we are always there; awaiting our shots of dopamine and a better life. Now we live on the internet – located live on the domains of Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and Instagram; we look like we are at our best in our posts – extraordinary propaganda. Are we losing our visions and intelligence? Then again what’s the use of visions and IQ in a very subjective, lonely life? I am amazed with the internet’s exploits, the growth, the speed – what a success! It is “almost” real; almost because it is not matter. However, it affects people’s lives in a very deep and real way. It leads me to a very simple question. Is love transferrable and can we attribute that to the internet? Urban Poet J. Cole makes compelling statements regarding the internet and the age of information in a few records. On Vile Mentality on the Grammy nominated album “4 Your Eyez Only” he raps: “Time in this age of information I hate this shit, Niggaz call my phone when they want some shit, Bitches hit me up when they want some dick. Damnit won’t be long before I disappear.” On “Photographs” on the critically acclaimed “KOD” (he advises us that the album title can be interpreted in two ways; Kill Our Demons or Kids On Drugs. It’s a subjective decision you make after listening to the album.) He states “Fell in love through photographs, I don’t even know your name. Wonder if you follow back. Hope to see you one day. Love today is digital and its messing with my health.” On 1984, writer George Orwell has this to say: “The terrible thing that the party had done was to persuade you that mere impulses, mere feelings, were of no account, while at the same time robbing you of all power over the material world.” Be careful.

An acquaintance is a Casanova. He is slick and silk. Smooth. With a catalog of potential mates and mates. He makes it seem too easy. He is aided by the internet. Often receives “unrated” images from one of his poorly coordinated, low self-esteemed girls. He can get 11 in a day; all he needs to do is to put in a request, usually takes 5-10 minutes to process. Sometime it takes longer, about 1-2 hours; this is due to the fact that they need a photoshoot or filming a video show of masturbation, rubbing and sucking. It’s incredible – what a guy! When something like that occurs, what is that? Is it real? Psychological? I think you can make a strong point that the internet is real: Alive with passion.  Sexy. Hot. Good boobs. Great Ass. Esteemed, with growth, with determination, with heart; but it’s abstract and figurative. I think I have to broaden my criteria when it comes to the subject of “real”, it’s easy to get lost in the maze. 

If I can win the PSL as a manager or a member of the suites, if I can build an art school for creatives, If I can complete Wet Dreams and make it as beautiful as possible – If I could make it real and authentic; I would be done with life. To create and construct this reality will need a million businesses and luckily time which I have. I believe it is my duty to achieve this. This is for future generations; a world where the internet is embedded in our nerves, our cells – a world where our biological make-up has been altered and almost deconstructed and reconstructed. A world where the matrix of the internet has taken over and reality almost an illusion, a dream, subjective, signed with a pencil, a green screen. 

I hope this post gets to you on a personal level, I hope it consumes your mind, chews you up like the jaws of a shark, ambushes you like a premediated murder, and tosses you to the side like the system to a pensioner. I hope it makes you contemplate about things, about life, about biology, physiology, Charles Darwin, about 1984 by George Orwell, about Brave New World by Huxley, about Friedrich Nietzsche, about Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, about Fyodor Dostoevsky, about Arthur Schopenhauer, about the green light, about Joseph Stalin, about Robert Greene, about Carl Yung,  about Adolf Hitler, about Lionel Messi, about Cristiano Ronaldo, about John Coltrane, about Miles Davis, about Kendrick Lamar, about J. Cole, about Sigmund Freud, about B.F Skinner and operant conditioning, about love and the magic of sex-positions, about being with yourself, about meditating, about romanticism, about poems, about girls and how to handle them and about happiness. In his great book “Mastery” Robert Greene had this to say: Your true self does not speak in words or banal phrases. Its voice comes from deep within you, from the substrata of your psyche, from something embedded physically within you. It emanates from your uniqueness, it communicates through sensations and powerful desires that seem to transcend you.” It is true for everyone, I hope it is particularly accurate for you. In the world that has cybernetics and books by Dr. Delgado called “The human use of human beings” I really hope you’re in tune.

 

I hope you are doing well, I hope you still want to learn how to ride a bicycle, that you want to fly and soar, to run, to dream, dream, dream, dream… I hope you live in the real world, the apparent, objective, blue skies up above and muddy routes from Venda. The beautiful, graceful trees and glaring wind. The peaceful sun in Durban and tormenting heat in Limpopo. The outside, apparent world experienced in senses. I hope you get a good beautiful girlfriend in the apparent world. I hope you join and make beautiful babies, “pure-bloods” babies, supreme babies, the best of the crop babies, Hitler genetic policy to transform Germany babies – the best babies in the world! I hope you bring them up in the apparent world. Teach them Love. Teach them to be strong. To work hard. To never rely on anybody else but themselves. Most importantly, teach them how to experience life, to be one with nature, to be in sync.  

I hope you’re in fantastic shape. I cannot stress the importance of eating right and regular exercise. Urban Poet Kendrick Lamar makes it a focal point in one of his songs on the mother of all classics album “Section 80” on the track “Poe man’s dream (His Vice) when he advises his listeners to “Smoke Good, Eat Good and Live Good”. I hope fast foods are limited in diet; they are bad, they deplete our bodies, make us obese and sick. They hinder the ability to be critical and the fundamental skill of assessment and observation. They lead a passive mind of ignorance. I hope you enjoy a home cooked meal on a constant. I hope you don’t neglect your body. I hope you don’t just let go. No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.   

Life is like this high stakes, instant gratifying, and highly volatile trade; it’s hard to set conditions and regulate the room temperature. Since the world is always becoming and the mere fact that we are becoming more and more liabilities to the machines – that we are no longer a viable means to life in the future. I understand change is imminent and highly probable – that it might be tough but try. Try to prolong it, to stretch it out – you have time, you always have time it’s the illusion of the present that’s the problem. Do it for next generation to see. Excel and dominate in every field. Make money, be greedy - away with slave morality. To be at the helm and making decisions. The only worlds you must be involved in are the ones that you are an executive. Its fair game, the internet has unleashed so many galaxies; make use of that whilst maintaining full access to real world – the apparent world. Don’t give up – do not become “The Last Man” as Nietzsche quite correctly hypothesized for the herd in the 21st century. Never be a part of a herd. Stand on your own two feet. Be in isolation. Be subjective in your ways and methods. Be authentically individualistic.

I will leave you with words from my favorite thinkers. “Persuade yourself that each new day that dawns will be your last; you will receive each unexpected hour with gratitude. Recognize all the value of each moment of time which is added on if it were happening by an incredible stroke of luck.” – Horace 

“Always to seek to conquer myself rather than fortune, to change my desires rather than the order of the world, and generally to believe that nothing except our thoughts is wholly under our control, so that after we have done our best in external matters, what remains to be done is absolutely impossible, at least as far as we are concerned.” (Rene Descartes) 

“Thus instead of supposing that a work of art must be something that all can behold – a poem, a painting, a book, a great building – consider making of your own life a work of art. You have yourself to begin with, and a time of uncertain duration to work on it. You do not have to be what you are, and even though you may be quite content with who and what you are, it will not be hard for you to think of something much greater that you might become. It need not be something spectacular or even something that will attract any notice from others. What it will be is a kind of excellence that you project for yourself and then attain. Something you can then take a look at with honest self-appraisal and be proud of.” – (Richard Taylor, Restoring Pride)

We shall not cease from exploration 

and the end of all our exploring

will be to arrive 

where we started 

and know the place for the first time. – (T.S Elliot)

Transference to all my children – I hope it finds you well. Receive this matter, it will build you and make you a better person. I harness all my thoughts for you and future generations.