Pregnant

Pregnant 

I got my girl pregnant. I don't know what to make of it. My emotions are scattered like nonlinear data. I feel like a bipolar patient. Damn! 

I hope it's a boy, that would make my dreams come true. Not that I wouldnt want a beautiful little girl. I would give her the world. My father died when I was a little boy and it crushed me. It's unfair how I never got a fair chance at life. I grew up without a father and it's a feeling, I wouldn't wish for an enemy. It's something I wouldn't wish for Satan, we all need love. But I hear his voice in my head suggesting, whispering to take fleet. To hit the road jack and never come back, no more, no more, no more.

It's a thought I am flirting with but it's not serious. Still, it lurks in the darkness like a thief like the night. Will I ultimately yield to the Devils suggestions? Do I yield to his wit? His solutions do provide an escape. An avenue to start a fresh and a new canvas to commence a different painting. The Devils solutions cancel all preexisting mistakes. They terminate stupidity. And maybe that's all it was, not that I regret the pussy. Quite the opposite, it really was a slice of heaven. Her pussy was warm and toasty, delicious. It was accommodating. It was like being in an oven. It was tight and pulled me in like a zip. Her pussy was like an asylum, It was absolutely crazy! So maybe I am a coward. After all, I took her innocence and planted falsified tales about our future together in her mind. 

I am not ready to be a father. 

These are all thoughts, nothing is definite. I would never do that to her. Although, I do have fears of being a bad father. Am I enough? Will my kid be proud of his father? Do I have it in me to be a good father? What about my future, my dreams. The timing is bad. I just don't think children raising children is a good idea. I am not ready. I still have a mother, I can't be a father. I can't give my child the future he deserves, one that I never had. How am I going to take care of him when I don't want a job? How am I going to get a job when I didn't go to school? Why must you demand so much of me? How is that fair? Why must you win?