Kaffers, Negros and Jews

Kaffers, Negros & Jews.

There’s something funny about blatant racism, it’s not disguised like a mask or make-up for a George Lucas film, it’s in your face like a pimple, it’s direct like counterattack, the message is simple, you are beneath me like limbo. Humor centers around human nature, humor is human nature, it humanizes, it is tragic and like life a comedy. Humor is used to communicate superiority, it is a mechanism for suppression. Humor is used for relief. Humor is about inferiority. Mein Kampf is your definitive example of humor. Hitler is a bad motherfucker who blames the injustices of life on the Jews, he makes them the butt of the joke. He is small, petty and hateful. He calls the Jews bloodsuckers among other things. He is Hell’s orator, handpicked by the Devil himself. He propogates an image of fifth and unworthiness. Thank God he's not a Jew, he is perfect and was chosen by God and natural selection, the hypocrisy of it all! Like hey, “my God has a bigger dick than yours so I am going to kill your whole people”. Human nature is such a humorous subject. Apartheid is the funniest topic of them all – honorable mention the KKK, they have a flag, a uniform and burn crucifixes. Led by Dr. Daniel Malan, it is oppression at its finest. Imagine a political campaign centered around the term “Swart gevaar” which translates to “Black is dangerous”! The National Party fought the election on the twin slogans of “Die kaffer op sy plek” (the nigger in his place) and “Die koelies uit die land” (Indians back to India). Straight out of a scene from Mississippi Burning. 12 Years a Slave and Barry Jenkins’ Underground Railroad deserve a mention. I am convinced apartheid was a beef based on dick sizes, you know the stereotype about Africans and their cannons and whites with their palette guns. Where do you think the term “Mandingo” comes from? No it doesn’t originate from Tarantino’s “Django Unchained”. It comes from white racist slave owners to refer to the blacks huge dicks. All racism is a psychological phenomenon about dick sizes. I have additional proof, read Freudian Psychology, it’s a sensitive issue, whites are insecure about size. It’s only natural that the Kaffers and Koelies become butt of the joke, the punchline. You detect a bit of Nazi? You’re right! The National Party refused to support Great Britain and publicly sympathized with Nazi Germany. Dr. Daniel Malan serving as South Africa’s Adolf Hitler! As the Nationalists put it, “Die wit man moet altyd baas wees” (The white man must always remain boss). This is definitely about dick sizes, like “we hate everyone operating 9 inche equipment”! It’s so unfortunate that every man of color is classified in the 9 inche category, death by stereotype. To Hitler & Dr. Malan, I empathize with you big dicks must be intimidating! The insecurity makes me tear up, like a girl with small tits who supplements them to make them look bigger. The blatant oppression is a punchline on its own like “Big lips one side and whites to the otherside”, that’s the only criterion, that dictates your future.

I once had a teacher in high school who had a student stand-up in class and asked “You know what’s the difference between you and me?”. He held a pencil vertical to the students nose and the pencil touched his lips. Horrified a couple of us let out a nervous and uncomfortable laugh. It was a joke that bombed. The class wasn’t impressed considering it was a dig at all of us, we were Kaffers and he was Afrikaner. It wasn’t like Ms. Morello on “Everybody hates Chris”, she’s naively racist, but actually funny and she genuinely loves Chris (not really). I have to admit I like the character of Ms. Morello even though she’s a racist, she knows a lot about black culture, is enthusiastic and cheerful and let’s not forget dates black guys. Still her stereotypes are brutal, I am often torn apart between laughing and being flabbergasted. She’s the only racist with a green card in my book and like Chris, I can let her comments slide. Quite clearly she’s ignorant but she usually means well, I detect empathy in her tone of voice, she attempts to be understanding, she is not a malicious person, maybe passive aggressive and condescending but it’s a sitcom, I appreciate the work of the writers. Uncle Ruckus is the best racist character ever, that right there is pure comedy gold! Joe Rogen doesn’t get a green card, he called black people Apes, that wasn’t entertaining Joe, I mean you walked into a cinema in a black neighborhood and it was like “Planet of the Apes” – DAMN! Oh yea Joe, you not exempt from using the “n – word” NIGGA! Remember when Booker-T called Hulk Hogan a nigga? The regret on his face after he said it was priceless, cause the dreaded word just slipped out, that promo is the funniest of all time! But I digress. With my high school teacher, it was sadistic, it was an abuse of power and he was actually the minority, the pencil demonstration was a blatant middle finger. “What a racist fucker” was the internal monologue, so small minded, sad and primitive. No self-awareness, he thought he was making a joke but it boomeranged and laughed at him. He's honestly lucky there wasn’t a riot against him. The failed attempt at humor seemed to highlight everything that was wrong about him. He hanged himself with his own rope, it was sad, he was pathetic. There’s something funny about blatant racism.