The Narcissist II: mine

The narcissist II: mine

I ran into an old friend I used to attend school with. He was good, in great spirits, looked healthy but he wasn't happy with how I looked. He said, "You are so thin, is that you? You are finished." I replied "Yea, it is me." I replied to his sentiment disregarding the content obviously happy to see him. We engaged in a bit of small talk until he came back to his main point "You are so thin, you are finished my brother", we exchanged pleasantries and drifted off in different directions but his comments stayed with me. It was as if he were looking down on me, it was pity, a side of schadenfreude, he was in disbelief, I felt like a disgraced fallen soildier. A couple of days before, a friend told me I had lost weight and I agreed to his observations but I didn't think it was that bad. You mean I put on weight just to lose it again? Plausible, I was stressed and neglecting my eating schedule. Did you hear the whispers? They say I am on drugs, nyaope. Oh no! But you don't treat me like an addict, my skin is still glowing and your girl is still on my dick! So it must be slander, yet another dirty trick from the devil. It feels like I have tumbled to the bottom and no one respects me anymore. The latest comments got to me because it was an echo, one that was rampant because it was true and I knew it. I did lose weight. Things were not that good for me. I was broke. I was not happy. I suffered. Fighting for what I believed in and my dreams of the future has been hard. Would you believe in what you believed in even if you were the only one? It has been cold and I get no love from my immediate surroundings, just disappointments. Pangs of torment piecing through my skin on a daily signaling electrical currents to my brain to induce trauma and pain. It's a recurring occurrence, people think they are superior to me because I am struggling to feed myself, some think they own me. It doesn't help that I am sensitive, an empath, a magnet for narcissists. Lately it seems like they have the upper hand. They keep making proclamations like:

You are mine and I own you. I bought everything you eat and you swallow my essence. I am the reason you living a good life, I own you. Your friends love me, your whole family, 

they all love me, what are you going to do, they all love me, I own you, you are mine. I own everything you see here including you, you are mine. I am the pulse that gives you life and I can make you flatline if I wanted to, I own you. Your hands behind your back, you are in bondage, to my whims, my needs and everything I desire because remember, I own you. You are mine to do what I like with. You may think you have rights but you are mine and I own you. Everything you touch, your clothes, the hair, the shoes, your happiness, all mine, I own you. Get that into your mind, you are nothing without me, I own you, I can make you suffer, I can make you cry, you are mine, I own you. 

Nothing worthwhile comes easy so I thank you, I learned to rely on my own wits and less upon other people. I am better. I am stronger. I will fight ahead and when I win its going to be on my terms. 

I am still here, the vision is still intact, I will bulk up weight, I am stronger and I will rule. Your victory was a fleeting experience, the War is mine. I play the long game and I always win. You are wrong. I never wavered, my eyes are still on the prize, you don't own me. All the petty humiliations were child's play. I shrugged off your insults like dirt on my shoulders. I forecasted all your conditions like the weather and so I was prepared. You couldn't play me even if I were a piano. I saw your power plays and opted to stand idle. I'd rather be a spectator watching you make a fool of yourself. Give them the rope, they all hang themselves if it's got leeway. I am a sentient being and freedom is a given. I'd rather be hungry and thin than succumb to your views about my life. I never listen to anything you say. I belong to God and I have the faith of a mustard seed. You might have the cards now, but the game goes on and the deck has to be reshuffled. An early lead doesn't guarantee you the marathon win. I am not a title deed, I have never been yours even for a second. Your perceived superiority is all in your head. The Gaslighting won't work, I know all the facts. You can never break me even if we were playing pool. Your worst nightmare is coming to fruition, I am everything you deemed and I don't need you. My dreams are finally gaining traction and your perceived power waning. I am coming for everything and you will acknowledge me!