Retsi

Retshi

I want an amazing life, no compromises because when Retshi died I promised things to myself and my life. Yea, I know what they say about promises and how keeping them is difficult but this was more of a vision of my life. It was subjective and heartfelt; I promised to be the best I could for him. I am more afraid of not living than dying, to be a carbon copy of everyone else and not understand what constitutes my essence, to be a slave of my impulses and not being able to regulate my emotions, to stand idle while my dreams disappear in the distance, to lose myself, to get swayed by novelty and not have an anchor that grounds me - that scares me, dying is easy and quicker. He lived a short life, he deserved more, his passing was tragic, he was a junior and he beamed with excitement at the prospect of being a senior, life had other plans and his life disappeared like an illusion, like mirrors, like it never happened. One moment he was there and the next he was gone like evaporation. Such is life, it's all this big theatricality that disappears right before your eyes and metastasizes as something else if reincarnation is the correct hypothesis. The pictures he left behind became myths and his whole life mythological but at least he left a legend. Do his past friends and family members still remember him? Who cares? It's like the past swallowed him into oblivion and irrelevance but I remember, I can't quite forget about him like the feeling of nostalgia, he takes me back to simpler times. His death was honorable and respectful, he was loved, he metastasized into a hero, a noble soul and an inspiration to all, like Batman he became a symbol that transcended everyday living. You need to be deadman to be a hero and the successor to your deed needs to be alive, if both of you are still living then that's just normal everyday living but you do have heroic characteristics. If everyone is dead, it becomes a massacre or to avoid hyperbole a draw. He fits the description of what it is to be a hero. 

One nightmarish day, he jumped into the river in attempts to rescue a boy who was swallowed in the deep end, drowning, gasping for air with water flooding his body and his senses failing him. The little boy was doomed with no saviors to watch you from the bay, no Pamela Anderson with her volaptious titties to save the day, it was a swim in the river the little boy would dread. He must have saw the white light and angels singing choruses. Out of nowhere, like he was Godsent, Retshi jumped in and saved a drowning soul on the steps of heaven from perishing but he drowned and died instead. The biggest sacrifice one can make. "Damn! Just like that? He lives, and he dies? That's not fair!" I realize my protests are futile, I just wish he didn't jump in because then we'd still have him. I know my reasoning is selfish, spiteful, arrogant and doesn't take into consideration the person he was even at a young age, but morality is suspended from my reasoning and discourse, I am not perfect, I am flawed, unworthy, a sinner and maybe I hate him for being the reason that my friend is gone. Yes of course, I know, Retshi is going to save some drowning kid his never met before because he was considered a good swimmer, he was tall, had a good heart and empathy of the highest honor. There's solace in that his death was ordained by the God's, he did what came naturally to him, he didn't have to think twice and today someone reaps the fruits of that decision. There's also the fact that he loved swimming and so he was killed with his own dagger, the irony, poetic justice. I can't blame him or be rueful of the past because I too appreciated the qualities he had as a human being. He had a pure soul, he loved to help, was empathic, a good listener, calm and just chilled - he was my best friend. Although I wish he hadn't acted, I understand and I respect him even more.

When he died, I cried and mourned his life. Before his death, we had a fight and didn't talk to each other for a week and now he was gone. It was a stupid fight that holds no weight but pride prevented us from squashing the beef and now that fight is the last memory I have of him. Just like that my friend of many years, who lived on the same street died, it was serious, it was fatal and nobody could ressurect him. It was over and I was never going to see him again, it crushed my spirit and heaven couldn't provide consolations. When he died, I wanted to achieve great things for him, to let the world know that he was still here operating in the spirit with us. I asked his spirit to be with me, to inhabit me, that we would share this meaty body in the three dimensional world. He has always been with me and motivated my decisions for the future. Having and knowing him changed my life, he made a mark and I am constantly haunted by my mortality, I am aware that things might switch up at any moment, that I mustn't take life for granted, that everyday is a blessing and an opportunity to live out your best life. I am still fighting for an amazing life not just for me but for my friend who never got his chance. An amazing life for me is one with excess capital to create, make my dreams come true, to love and help as many people as I can. I want to make a contribution that is everlasting for humanity, but maybe none of that matters, the universe is in a constant flux and everything perishes. The ego is an illusion, no one will remember me, no one really cares and nothing matters in any case. 

This is dedicated to my friend who died saving someone else, thank you for the lessons, memories and absolutely everything, as long as I am alive, you are alive - forever alive in our memories.

RETSHI - he had Respect, Empathy, stood Tall, was Special, was Hercules amongst us, let him always be our Inspiration.