Projections

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Projections

The human experience is such a comedy but also a tragedy at the same time. You mean we are not in control of who we love? That secretly the Universe and all the forces of this planet conspire and decide my fate? The arrogance in that notion – it makes me sick! Just maybe everything in the world has already been done and I have to be allocated in a category. Apparently a category has already been assigned to me. Does it mean I am already in a box? Confined and blinded by my restrictions. This can’t be life – there has to be more. Maybe this could be a simulated reality. I now find the subject of love vague and grey. If we subconsciously project our experiences as young individuals originating from our childhood and parents to our partners – Isn’t love predictable, with a pattern? I feel my life is a performing stock option projected to do well in the coming years. I feel life is channeled. I feel everybody lied to me. I feel betrayed. Like love is rigged and fixed. You mean there are more people like me who fell in love because of projections and repressed subconscious desires. Are you saying I am the problem? But I am different.

In that case I hate love. It doesn’t make sense and I renounce life as well. How are conflicting feelings or ideas possible with love? Why are we so obsessive? Are we the ones in our bodies because sometimes I feel possessed by an overwhelming spirit that does what it wants? Is it even real? What’s real? I don’t know. I don’t understand how a mature and practical adult can regress to behavior seen as childish because of love. I don’t understand how someone can be fearful of being alone. I don’t understand why love makes us such bad judges of characters. Why are we willingly blind? I don’t understand why we mistake a narcissist for a genius, the suffocator for a nurturer, the slacker for the exciting rebel and the control freak for the protector. Its madness and stupid. Maybe it makes sense that love stems from repressed unconscious desires; because then we can define it and try to examine and understand. In the game of love what is most repressed shines through – the irony in that statement. What a show! Love is clearly the undisputed champion of the world.

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