p a i n

Pain

Pain, pain, pain is in my heart. Trying to put myself together but it just rips me apart. Voices in my head telling me to push the button, cause life ain't worth it I'd rather be chopped mutton. Every day is a struggle to get out of bed, what's the use? Life happens without me, it frizzles into obscurity and I am left to watch on the sides observing like security. I am a spectator watching on the stands while life rules me like some kind of dictator. I don't know who I am and lately I can't stand what the mirror says I am. Alcohol as a form of escapism numbs the pain, it transports me to a world where everything is sane, supplement that with some white lines and the world just feels insane. Rather that than to be with people who are vain. Abiding to some false narrative to hid the shame. This life is like a sick game and every day is the same. I'd rather be boozed and snorted out on powder, the high is more exhilarating than fame. Pain, pain, pain, it fountains my existence. Often times I wish my life was in the past tense, because I don't want to do this anymore. My life doesn't make sense anymore, my friends and family are not with me anymore. I can't take this anymore, living in a Godless universe with each passing day feeling like a curse. I don't see the colors in the world and can't appreciate a poetry verse. I feel like a motherless child, a bastard, an orphan, like nobody wants me. Zoned out on narcotics and meaningless sex. Gambling problems extort me more than tax. Pain, pain, pain, fighting a losing battle with myself. The blows are self-inflicted, I love it like a sadist because it makes me feel. I have a void in my heart that's hard to fill.